The last 2 years, one large and pervasive loss settled over us all like a disorienting fog: the loss of normality, routine, safety, and predictability. This loss was quickly followed by others, including the loss of jobs and financial security; of gatherings and social lives; of important moments like weddings and graduations,and, most heavily, of loved ones. Grief is an intense emotional experience triggered by loss and the intensity of emotional grief is a current global topic – so called cumulative grief.
In this month’s newsletter I am talking to Christine Hardy, Life Alignment Practitioner and Teacher in South Africa, about her professional and personal experience with grief.
Why do we grieve?
Grief has a purpose — it is how our bodies adapt to a loss and process it enough to move forward. Grieving is important because it allows us to ‘free up energy’ that keeps us bound to the lost person, object, or experience. If we don’t free up the energy, we will remain tied to the past. Our energy will not be reinvested in getting on with our life. Would you want a loved one you left behind to grieve for you for the next 10 years or would you want them to get on with their life?
I remember doing a Home Alignment process for someone living in another country some years back. There was something she needed to take out of the spare bedroom. It turned out to be all her late husband’s clothes that she had kept for 20 years. I was most surprised as she was at the time happily remarried. It took her a Home Alignment balance to finally help her to ‘’let go’’.
Is grief something good or bad?
First of all, it is important to remember grieving is not about forgetting! Grieving is just about our emotions and how we process them. Some are easier than others, it takes courage to process the painful ones, but this doesn’t mean it’s good or bad, it’s just a process.
Grieving helps us value the memories and experiences we’ve had. All experiences shape us. Most people prefer to remember the good memories and learn from the not so good ones. Learning these lessons is what helps us grow and evolve mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
In your opinion, what do we need to know about grief?
It’s helpful to understand that grief has different aspects. If a loved one is sick and being cared for, grieving can start long before the person passes away. This is an aspect of grief called anticipatory grief. Grief becomes more complicated when it’s prolonged or extremely traumatic.
Complicated grief results in intense sorrow and pain as one’s focus remains only on the deep-seated pain. Healing becomes more difficult as the person cannot move away and becomes entrenched in the pain body. If the intensity of grief isn’t processed over time it can become chronic, disabling a person from resuming their normal life.
Delayed grief or masked grief is often internalized. I recommend seeking help when grief has been going on for too long. I really like the approach of Life Alignment because the modality has tools to work with this pain body to identify and release it.
How do I know that grief has been going on for too long? Are there different stages of grief we go through?
The typical stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In 1994 I became a lifeline counsellor, I read as part of my training Elisabeth Kubler- Ross book on death and dying. They are tools to help us frame and identify how we may be feeling. Not everyone will go through the stages in a prescribed order, but they are a good guideline to see where you are in your own grieving. We all grieve differently.
If we get stuck, grieving can cause various effects on the body such as joint pain, digestive issues, headaches, lowered immunity, heart problems, and sleeping difficulties.
On a personal level I have recently suffered immense grief from loss of trust and betrayal, followed by the sudden death of my husband in January 2021, 6 months after my father passed. Anxiety still affects me intermittently. I’m gradually learning to ‘’let go’’ and adjust to envisioning a new life. Grieving comes in waves and it’s a process where you need to be gentle and loving to yourself.
How did you get in touch with Life Alignment?
I became aware of other energy fields when I introduced Indian Head massage into my hair salon in 2000, it was then I realised that I was clairsentient. I could sense my client’s emotions and energy in the form of a vibration or as a wave of emotion that swept through me that I knew wasn’t my own.
My first experience of having a Life Alignment session was mind blowing, especially as prior to understanding energy medicine I was a bit of a skeptic. I experienced my body releasing my parent’s trauma, grief and fear in the way of a primal scream that seemed to come from nowhere with absolutely no control.
At the end of my session the practitioner told me that I needed to see the dentist. At the time it didn’t make any sense but 2 days later my gold inlay came out whilst chewing on a toffee. I knew at this moment I had to learn this healing modality. I haven’t looked back over the past 19 years of practicing Life Alignment. I have witnessed many amazing transformations.
That sounds like a powerful experience indeed. Do you have another example when Life Alignment helped to release grief?
When we learn to trust we move out of fear into love. Our true state of being can only flow when we are back in Alignment with ourselves, it then has a positive healing rippling effect to our loved ones and makes the world a better place to live in.
When I was 6 years old, my 4-year-old brother had been admitted to hospital with severe encephalitis. I knew my brother may not live and if he survived, he would be impaired on a mental level. My brother Paul survived but was taking up to 9 prescribed medications daily for years. As an adult he could read and write with the mental ability of an 8-year-old. When he was visiting me in South Africa in 2004 from the U.K I practiced Life Alignment on him as a case study. He was lying on the coach with his eyes closed. I thought he was asleep, but he got up after I finished and wrote this in 2004. My brother died of a heart attack at age 46 in 2005.
If a friend of mine goes through a grieving process, how can I support?
Here are a few tips on how to support one’s own or a loved one grief:
Do the work to understand and come to terms with your loss
Cry don’t hold back
Don’t worry if you don’t feel the need to cry
Accept you may feel lonely, reach out for support and company
Get plenty of rest
Embrace all your emotions
Join a Yoga class and breathe (helped me with anxiety)
Don’t judge yourself
Eat well and drink lots of water
Tackle one thing at the time during overwhelm
Don’t make any major decisions
Take care of your inner needs
I highly recommend Philippa Lubbock’s book, Life Alignment Heal and discover your soul’s true purpose. It gives in depth understanding of vibrational medicine and how Life Alignment gets to the root cause of any issue like a laser beam. It helps to unveil the purpose of all our life experiences – also the painful ones.
Better still contact a practitioner near you and experience Life Alignment first-hand in person or online with video call. It will connect you to your own wisdom to help you change your thinking, feeling and expand your consciousness. Remember adversity is an opportunity to grow, learn and heal.