Close and intimate relationships represent a very big opportunity to learn our main lessons in life. They trigger us at so many levels and thus provide potential to practise dealing with challenges and becoming the advanced version of ourselves.
In this month’s newsletter I am talking to Limor Abelensi and Tom Hendel, owners of the Lighthouse – Life Alignment’s Integrative centre in Israel.
Both married to supportive partners, the two have an intimate and deep care for one another which is one ingredient for the success of their business cooperation – a cooperation in and with relationships.
Limor and Tom, please share with us your fascination for relationships.
The last decade has brought a lot of changes to the definition of relationships, especially in the couple arena. The numbers of divorces keep rising, while the diversity of the way people decide to live their romantic relationships is rising as well.
Throughout the years, we have realised that we have a deep understanding of connections, relationships, and partnerships. We feel that this is one of the greatest professional gifts we have to give to the world.
A romantic relationship is an intense meeting between two worlds with various potentials of fulfilment. Financial and familial responsibilities are shared and we enrich our lives with love in all its colours. The union of a romantic relationship also holds various challenges, such as considering someone else’s needs and desires, making compromises, and adapting to individual changes. We have to deal with emotions like disappointment, frustration, and jealousy and sometimes we can’t even be around our romantic partner that we love dearly.
We call these opposite forces the ingredients of a “relationship salad”. A salad which some of us choose to eat for the rest of our lives. Helping couples to reach the full potential of their couple hood by helping each of them to grow and transform to a better and happier individual in the relationship, is a huge accomplishment of being therapists.
Every relationship has three separated parts that should work in synchronicity: Each individual and the relationship. When each part of those three is contained, heard, and taken under consideration, then there is an expanded synergy in the field.
In our relationship, every step and progress we make, considers each of these parts and in our opinion this is the most important key to success.
Most of us only know you as a “double pack”. How did you find each other and Life Alignment (LA)?
Tom: I’ve met Life Alignment as a patient. I started going to sessions, and a part of my healing process was to connect to the therapist inside of me.
My therapist back then was Limor. After studying Life Alignment in depth, we decided to work together. We followed our calling to open a LA centre, which resulted with the opening of the Lighthouse 6 years ago.
Limor: About 20 years ago, I had a clinic for developmental and emotional Occupational Therapy, and I felt that I was beginning to reach a sense of fulfilment with a desire to advance my practice. After two years of searching, I came across Life Alignment. I immediately felt at home and found what my soul was yearning for – a deep connection to emotional and physical healing knowledge, the ability to renew one’s strength quickly and magically.
I met Tom as part of my professional journey. When we met, the knowing was immediate. It was clear to me that Tom would be a great therapist, and that the opening of this path in his life would allow him wonderful fulfilment. After he entered the path of becoming a therapist we started to work together and step by step (with energetical support and love from Jeff) downloaded our big mutual dream, from idea to matter. By opening the Lighthouse – a healing home – we followed our mutual vision. Our strong and significant bond between us has lasted since and is a special gift in my life.
Why can you recommend treating clients in cooperation with another practitioner?
Treating clients in cooperation brings more variety to the session. With this it enables the process to be comprehensive, deep and powerful as we know each other’s strengths. We both feel that healing is enhanced when we work as a couple as we can use our deep connection as a model when needed.
Interesting! What is the feedback of clients? Do you have a best practice example?
For sure. Let’s talk about Anat and Bar. This lovely couple came to us for treatment following a severe crisis they experienced in their relationship.
At the base of the relationship there is immense love and attraction, but they are challenged by a complex family structure. They experience chaos and tremendous overload in their lives. The couple functioned as a complex energetic unit that was not synchronised and did not support its parts. The family functioned as an organisation that struggled to play as one harmonious orchestra.
We chose to work with them with a special therapy model. Alternating individual (Limor with Bar and Tom with Anat) and couple meetings (the four of us together).
Parallel to the work with this couple, The two of us conducted meetings with each other to clarify and understand the situation of each spouse so that we could also include the spouse who was not being treated by us in the personal and couple’s process.
As we progressed, using the modality of LA, we were able to balance all the components of the family, the house, the children, each member of the couple, and the unity itself. The relationship gradually stabilised.
How exactly does the system of Life Alignment help with such couple-work?
Over the years, we have developed a unique working model with couples that incorporates many options that are responsive to the needs of the couple.
As mentioned in the example above, the model includes personal meetings with one of us, as well as meetings where we both sit together with the couple.
The holistic result of this model is that we can address the individual space that affects the relationship, the interpersonal space between them, and the transition between these two spaces.
During the personal and group meetings, we use one of the Life Alignment tools to encounter deep energy work that will follow along with some psychotherapy work.
The system of Life Alignment allows us to treat the couple as a body, as an energetic unit with multiple organs. Personal balance of the individuals in the relationship, the balance of their partnership, the influence and coordination between them, and finally, the balance of the space (Home Alignment) in which the relationship takes place.
We use techniques such as vortex tools (circles and tree of life) involving the couple and personal balancing while one partner is treated and the other observes.
A process that supports couples to become the best version of themselves and of the union. Why is Life Alignment such a useful model of couple counselling?
Life Alignment is an excellent tool for working with couples because it allows neutral, deep and healing of the frequency that needs to be realigned. Couples sometimes tend to pile up anger and tensions which leads to eruption and conflicts that can eventually destroy the relationship.
Exposing these issues and bringing deep energetic healing allows the subconscious to be cleared and enables it to be filled back with the essence of the couple’s connection. The couple can meet and see each other, even in conflict situations, from the perspective of the Higher Self rather than seeing each other through the eyes of the inner child.
Do you have some advice for us on how to increase the quality of our relationships?
Absolutely, there is so much you can start focusing on. The following aspects are the base of healthy relationships:
Be very attentive to things that will challenge your partner’s trust.
Trust the power of the relationship to go through challenges and evolve to a better place.
Giving and receiving:
Pay attention to yourself and the overall giving and receiving dynamics with your partner. The more giving you are, the less conflict (inner and outer) will arise.
Treat the relationship as a Holistic Entity, give it love, attention, nourishment and open yourself to receive the presents it has to offer you.
Make sure that you are communicating and not holding back.
Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability and fears, showing them creates a deep understanding and connection.
If you realise there is a substantial gap between the two of you, find ways to change that.
Invest in your togetherness – it’s one of the most profitable investments you can make.
Try to find the mutual things that interest both of you, be interested in your partner’s life, you will know more, understand him/her more and you might even be drawn to it.
Do things together that you haven’t done before.
Share and invite her/him to what interests you.
Intimacy & Love:
Get to know yourself, it will help you to be able to create intimate relationships.
Love yourself and love what is around you. Love does not have limited resources, the more you love the more love will come your way.
Be intimate in all sorts of ways, investigate your intimacy, nourish it and let it grow and expand together.
Growing and transforming:
Keep evolving in the relationship, as an individual and as a couple. Most substantial growth, and transformation can unfold on the safe ground of a loving and safe relationship.